In this edition of the Healing Series, we explore Missy’s inspiring story and poetry and let her remind us that even the darkest of times have something to teach us.
“Missy sent me her poem recently when I was going through a tough time. It was so spot on with my own feelings, I felt the need to share with others who on these days feel alone.” ~ Karla
The day I got my final cancer diagnosis, I secretly laughed inside because it is close to my Solar Plexus Chakra and my Sacral Chakra… My life has been filled with emotional and sexual abuse. I was taught at a very young age to be seen but not heard, to not make waves, to not have an opinion and to serve others at any cost. I crammed my emotions down into a place within that allowed me to soldier on.
Well, I realised I had run out of space when I was diagnosed with Pseudonym Peritonei, cancer of the appendix. The cancer originates there and spreads cancer-filled mucins throughout the abdominal cavity. It took 2 years for the doctors to find it and by the time they did, my only real option was surgery which I had in 2018. After 15 long hours, they had manually removed what cancer they could before circulating heated chemo fluid through my abdomen for 90 minutes. They took my ovaries and tubes and my spleen, then sewed me back up.
Now my cancer has once again progressed and I am a stage 4 with no other treatments available because I have a low-grade type of cancer. Also, they will not repeat my surgery as it would be too hard on my body. The risks outweigh the benefits.
I am now 51 and have been fighting cancer for years. You’d think I might be bitter about it, but after all these years this disease continues to teach me how to honour myself. It teaches me that I am loved and part of a much bigger picture.
I meditate, breathing in trust and pushing out the disease… The scarf you see in my picture is a daily reminder that I matter, that I am supported and that I am not alone. This scarf is part of my learning. It is warm, like the love that gifted it to me, eternal like the sign that is woven into its fabric, connected like the bodies that dance in the nurturing hands of Mother Earth.
Ever since I came into this world, I have been fighting to survive for one reason or another. Now I am at peace. Knowing I no longer need to fight for survival means I can just live. I accept that I am where I need to be. I accept that I am being asked to love and nurture myself.
You are not Alone
I am in a circle and tasks surround me
friends, family, people I want to help also surround me
I am energy, light
I am pulled to accomplish each task
visit each friend, love everyone I can
I am exhausted.
Does the circle surrounding me fold in?
Do the ties that bind everything that circles me, stop pulling?
Do they pull both ways?
Does energy flow both ways?
I sit down, I can no longer stand as I am too tired.
My energy wasting.
Love comes from friends, family.
Energy comes from accomplishing a small task.
I start to kneel.
I am rejuvenated, if only for a moment.
I am grateful, I remind myself to rest, there is time.
The ties, they pull. I respond.
Reaching out and sharing parts of myself once again.
Then, I am sitting, again. I pull on the ties. No response.
I am lying down.
Body on the earth.
The ties keep pulling but I can not respond.
I can only watch.
The circle around me no longer is full.
Tasks left undone, people unable to cope as I slowly become part of the earth.
I silently cry out.
Screaming inside for just one tie, one rope to pull me back up,
to bring me to my feet again.
There is nothing.
Everyone needs love, in the way they perceive it.
In the way they give it.
~ Missy Wallace. April 30, 2022
“I crammed my emotions into a place that allowed me to soldier on.”
About Me: I’m Missy and I have been through pain and experiences that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I now have stage-4 cancer and no treatment options left. Instead, I am looking inward and I know that when my time comes, I know I will be surrounded by love. Despite all that I have been through, I am focusing on all the positives I have to be thankful for and that have made my life worthwhile.
Every scarf purchase aids in funding Wellspring Cancer Support programming for cancer patients, their caregivers and families across Canada. Learn more about our Acts of Kindness giveback program and what we’ve donated so far on our How We Give Page.